Behind Our Anger is Fear

I originally was going to write a post about how we can confront an anger we have. Whether it be directed at some specific person or maybe a situation. But it’s not really an anger that we need to address, it’s a fear.

Because nearly every time we think we are angry, it’s actually a fear driving the emotion.

3 Ways Fear Creates Anger

As we dig deeper into an anger, it will often reveal an underlying fear. As our mind struggles with how to react to a fear, anger arises as we try to take some sort of action.

Here are the 3 most common ways a fear becomes an anger:

1. Fear We Don’t Have Control – We become angry when we fear we’ve lost control of a person or a situation. Not having control scares us, and lashing out in anger is our most basic response. To fix this, we need to better understand our spectrum of control.
2. Fear of Loss – Humans have a natural tendency for extreme loss aversion. When we think we are losing something, be it money, status, jobs, “stuff,” etc., we can react with fear. To fix this, we need to be content with what we have. Don’t let yourself become attached to anything or any situation.
3. Fear from our Ego – We can feel threatened by other people’s actions or comments towards us. Even worse, our ego’s can just feel fearful towards other people’s life choices or successes, even if they aren’t directed at us.  To fix this, we need to accept people for who they are, as well as recognize the selfish voice in our mind.

Those around us that are particularly “angry” people, or who have a reputation of being aggressive at others, tend to be living with deeper fears within them. Unable to address a fear of control, loss, or ego in a healthy way, they’ve become accustomed to relying on anger. Justifying their actions to themselves.

Today, I encourage you to think about something that is either currently making you angry, or has made you angry in the past. As you think deeper about it, what was the underlying fear?

If we can address the fear that is driving our angers, we can live a more peaceful and happy life.

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This post is Day 20 of 21 Days of Simple.